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Archives for April 2022

Fixers Anonymous: “A 12-Step Program for ‘Fixers’” (Steps 7-9)

April 28, 2022 by Joy Goldman Leave a Comment

By Joy W. Goldman RN, MS, PCC: A recovering fixer!

We continue our post stress management strategies for those of us who identify as “I’m a fixer!—I fix things!”

Fixing, also known as problem-solving, is a valuable skill, until we approach everything in our work and personal lives as problems to fix. Here we’ve adapted the time-tested 12-step program from Alcoholics Anonymous to habitual problem solvers/ fixers for steps 7-9.

7. We humbly asked our higher power to supplement our fixing habit with a healthy alternative. We bravely acknowledged that we didn’t have all the answers and could allow ourselves the opportunity to learn and expand our toolbox, while also providing an opportunity for others to develop their skills. We also realized that we didn’t have to abandon our “fixing” high but that we could complement it with something called polarity thinking- both/and thinking.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to be transparent about our steps to recovery. In our haste to be the one with the one right answer, we acknowledge that we dismissed other’s perspectives, often making them feel devalued. At this time of “the great resignation,” we know we can’t afford to do that and we need every talented resource we can get to be successful. During our 1:1’s and team meetings, we fessed up and apologized for our previous dismissive behavior and committed to change. We asked our peers and team members to provide us feedback when they noticed positive changes and when they also noticed our inevitable remissions.

9. We made direct amends to people we had harmed unless doing so would injure them or others. For those whose perspectives had been dismissed, we now purposefully asked for their perspective as we were challenged by complex issues. Instead of trying to surface one right answer, we purposefully looked for numerous perspectives and seeming contradictions. Our goal became more about getting several voices and perspectives in the room, often from those who generally had opposite preferences from the majority.

Filed Under: Leadership Development, Six Seeds, Uncategorized

Fixers Anonymous: “A 12-Step Program for ‘Fixers’” (Steps 4-6)

April 21, 2022 by Joy Goldman Leave a Comment

By Joy W. Goldman RN, MS, PCC: A recovering fixer!

We continue our post stress management strategies for those of us who identify as “I’m a fixer!—I fix things!”

Fixing, also known as problem-solving, is a valuable skill, until we approach everything in our work and personal lives as problems to fix. Here we’ve adapted the time-tested 12-step program from Alcoholics Anonymous to habitual problem solvers/ fixers for steps 4-6.

4. We made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves. We admitted that our tendency to attribute the cause of problems to others and place ourselves in a victim or hero role was interfering with our getting the results we want and draining us of the energy we need to get things done. This wasn’t someone else’s issue.. this perpetual perspective of “fixing” was ours to solve……oh, oh! We also acknowledged that our desire to fix came from a well-intentioned place—we want to ease the burden of others and make a positive contribution in the world. How might we harness that energy of contribution while continuing to appreciate our “fixer identity” when that approach was needed?

5. We admitted to others and to our higher power the exact nature of our wrongs. We acknowledged that our desire to fix became a barrier to others wanting to collaborate and communicate with us. We even noticed that we were pushing people away in our personal lives as we applied our fixer approach to loved ones who didn’t want a fixer and just wanted someone to listen. We summoned the courage to become transparent with others about our desire to expand our way of perceiving challenges and to humbly ask for help. We noticed that when other leaders were transparent about their development efforts, others looked at them with greater respect. Perhaps we can trust ourselves enough to believe that showing our own vulnerability might engender more trust and desire for partnership.

6. We were entirely ready to have our higher power remove all these defects of our overdone fixing habit. We started asking for help and learned that there was a supplemental way of perceiving challenges that expanded upon fixing. We didn’t have to relinquish our fixing identity: we could add to it different perspectives that allowed us to see a larger and more complex picture. Expending less energy and embracing other perspectives actually could create longer lasting, effective outcomes with less wear and tear on myself and others!

Filed Under: Leadership Development, Six Seeds, Uncategorized

National Stress Awareness Month Campaign Series: “I’m a Fixer”

April 19, 2022 by Joy Goldman Leave a Comment

I can’t tell you how often I hear that declaration of identity from my clients. It is often said with pride as they acknowledge their strength of identifying and solving problems.

At SixSEED Partners, we honor that declaration AND we will nudge you to expand it! What’s wrong with being a fixer? Isn’t that a noble deed? For sure, except when:

  • The person or situation in front of you isn’t asking for a fix
  • There isn’t a problem to solve
  • By ‘fixing’ the problem in front of you, you inadvertently cause more problems downstream that are part of the system
  • You take on a responsibility that isn’t yours to take on and by doing so, become overwhelmed

So, what’s the answer?? Try these options for consideration:

  • Ask whoever is in front of you what they most need from you in this moment? You may be pleased to find they just want you to listen and empathize
  • Ask: Might this be a tension that has other systemic impact? What other perspectives might you invite to the table?
  • Consider: For whom might wrestling with this problem be a developmental opportunity where I might grow leadership capacity within my team or organization?

The next time you’re tempted to declare: “I’m a fixer–” consider saying “I’m a fixer.. and I’m so much more than that!”

Filed Under: Six Seeds

Fixers Anonymous: “A 12-Step Program for ‘Fixers’”

April 15, 2022 by Joy Goldman 2 Comments

By Joy W. Goldman RN, MS, PCC: A recovering fixer!

Over the next several weeks, we will post stress management strategies for those of us who identify as “I’m a fixer!—I fix things!” — usually said with much pride. Fixing, also known as problem-solving, is a valuable skill, until we approach everything in our work and personal lives as problems to fix. Here we’ve adapted the time-tested 12-step program from Alcoholics Anonymous to habitual problem solvers/ fixers!

1. We admitted that we were powerless over wanting to fix everything and everyone. As healthcare practitioners and leaders, we have been groomed to notice the gap: our filters have been cultured to look for what’s wrong as compared with what’s right. We’ve fallen hostage to the dopamine/ neurochemical surge that occurs when we believe we’ve solved a problem and fixed something. We’ve enjoyed the feeling of power when we believe we have the answer and share our wisdom with those with a need to learn from us. In an increasingly unpredictable and fast-moving world, fixing problems seems less injurious than eating lots of chocolate! We’ve also noticed others coming to us less frequently- seemingly not wanting our advice, or coming to us ALL the time to solve their problems.

2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity and provide hope that others wouldn’t run when we approached. As we become overwhelmed with everyone running to us to solve their problems, we realized there had to be a better way. Constantly “fixing” is exhausting! There are some leaders who don’t seem as harried as we do and seem to be getting results—from where does their power come and how might I have the courage to be vulnerable and ask for help?

3. We made a decision to turn our fixing compulsion over to the care of a higher power as we understand them. We really enjoy appearing to be the master of our craft where others see us as the expert. And while we recognize that there are places and times when our fixing is a tremendous contribution, we’re also aware that we are a limited resource and can’t tackle all of work and life problems. We also notice that, like bell-bottoms, the same problems keep reappearing. They may seem fixed for a time, but then they reappear, like a pesty mosquito that just won’t quit! We need and surrender to getting help.

Filed Under: Six Seeds, Uncategorized

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10431 Patterson Ave | Henrico, VA 23238

443-379-4569

info@sixseedpartners.com

2021 SixSEED Partners. All Rights Reserved