Joy W. Goldman RN, MS, PCC: CEO and Founding Partner, SixSEED Partners
Background
According to Greater Good Magazine: Science-based insights for a meaningful life, “Polarization occurs when we refuse to live next to a neighbor who doesn’t share our politics, or when we won’t send our children to a racially integrated school. The force that empowers polarization is tribalism: clustering ourselves into groups that compete against each other in a zero-sum game where negotiation and compromise are perceived as betrayal, whether those groups are political, racial, economic, religious, gender, or generational.” And I would add: “familial.”
A respected colleague of mine encouraged me to write this personal case study of resolving familial political polarization through the application of polarity thinking to heal and deepen love in families. I write this from two different perspectives: the first and primary one as an evolving human being with a commitment to grow compassion, peace, and unity in our world. The second is as the CEO of SixSEED Partners where we’ve been applying polarity thinking- both/and thinking to help leaders sustainably lead through complexity while promoting well-being and diversity, equity and inclusion in the process.
The “case” to which I’m applying this frame is that of my marriage where my partner and I share opposite political affiliations.
The Strategy:
I will write this as if I were coaching someone through a polarity map. No conflict can be resolved without a shared purpose that holds great value for both parties. As a family or couple, we have to ask “what is most important in our marriage/family? For my husband and I, mutual respect and love rise to the top. We needed to find a way to reach this outcome otherwise, our fear is that we feel disrespected and grow in anger/ hatred which would result in the demise of our marriage. I must mention that navigating these tensions in the home are occurring during a pandemic which means we’re around each other A LOT!
The Solution:
If you wait for the other person to act first, you are part of the problem. I challenged myself to apply what I know of polarity thinking to discern what matters to my husband. You can find my insights represented in the attached polarity map. My husband has a deep loyalty and appreciation for our country. He demonstrates this by supporting wounded veteran organizations and by staying informed with what’s happening in our country. I may disagree with how he does this but I can respect the underlying intent and wish. I value “inter-nationalism:” a value for communal good. It’s not that he doesn’t but his value of loyalty trumps (sorry, pun intended) his valuing of immigration and global prioritization. He values autonomy and individual choice while I lean toward communal benefit. If we approach our different perspectives from an either/or—right/wrong way of thinking, our marriage will be fractured. Beyond that, we will be negatively impacting our world since our tension exists in 50% of the United States population. The only hope we have for constructive dialogue leading to mutual respect and love is through appreciating what matters to the other.
The Impact:
In brief, I am happier, laugh more, and am more kind and loving to my husband, which seems to evoke the same response back to me (imagine that!). I am lighter because I am not holding on to resentment. I have a greater appreciation for our individual and collective human stories that allow me to love more and hate less. I may disagree with behaviors and actively support causes that matter to me, while loving the human beings that travel with me on this life path. You will note that on the map, action steps and warning signs are the same for both poles. These are called high leverage action steps since they are equally relevant and important.
If this touches you in any way, please reach out and let us know at info@sixseedpartners.com or by commenting. As quoted in the African proverb: “It takes a village….”
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